Just when you thought I wouldn’t keep up with this! ROFL, I’ve just been busy with other things. You may say something like, “Oh, hush! You’ve been updating left and right!”, but to be honest? There’s spewing out a bunch of shit about idols and then there’s sitting down with a kanji dictionary and getting to work. One takes a whole lot more time than the other. Still, I can only get better, and that’s what I’m hoping this segment will aid me in.

After the jump: Matsushima Hatsune goes on a bloody rampage, Imai Yu attempts to eat an entire jumbo parfait in one sitting, and that’s just the weird stuff. Fun times are ahead!

I want to start with Yu as an apology for missing her birthday last month. She’s twenty-three now, and I hope she had a lot of fun at her birthday party, a nice, small-scale event which she invited her fans to attend. Happy birthday, Yu! Better start landing some acting roles now or you’ll never make it!

Anyway, on her May seventeenth update, she remarks that this has been her first month as a twenty-three year old, but it turns out that there’s another reason why she’s updating… It’s Kobayashi Kana’s birthday! Kana, a close friend of Yu’s from AKB48′s Team K, just turned seventeen (so she’s, in fact, exactly six months older than me — November seventeenth here). I love Yu because she’s so sweet, and even though this part of her life has been over for more than a year now, there is never a time when she stops thinking about the friends she made in her time as an idol. For that, all I can say is… Yeah, those girls had damn well better appreciate her; Sato Natsuki, one of her best friends at the time, has already kind of “moved on” to Noro Kayo.

…What was I saying before? Oh, yes. Jumbo parfaits.

Check it.

Now, this… I don’t know. In the title, she calls this her “new challenge,” but that just seems a little bit much. Also, someone in the comments helpfully advises her about tooth decay. Anyway, she did finish it! And, upon doing so, compared herself to Gal Sone. Oh, Yu! Not quite, but whatever makes you happy, bb. ♥

Oh, and she’s apparently getting involved in a small local idol(?) group, but I don’t really have any facts on that, so I don’t care. Here she is as a gothic lolita, because that’s just the kind of thing that appeals to me. Woohoo!

So that was all well, good and generically idolish, wasn’t it? … That means it’s time for Hatsune, because bitch is anything but.

Mmmmmmmmmhmm.

Hatsune is… Well, Hatsune would probably be a hikikomori if not for her job as a gravure idol, so she’s pretty much addicted to the Internet. Which means that she updates all the time. And so, if you’re not checking her blog every day, it’s easy to get lost amongst all the new entries. Guess what I’ve been slacking on! Relatedly, if you check her blog regularly, she stays relatively sane. It’s not until you look away for a little while that she snaps and goes batshit insane and you sit at your computer thinking, “Oh my god, what just happened here?!”

Everyone
Everyone

Kyahahahaha!

Her words, not mine. I don’t know sometimes, man. Is this why we love her, or… why other people don’t love her? Maybe I’m just desensitized to her weird outbursts, but I dunno, I just kind of feel like saying, “Come on, Hacchi, it’s time to take your meds…”

Ah, but it’s all in good fun. …I hope. Dear God, I hope.

In happier times a few weeks ago, Hatsune was right in her element, geeking out about all the new and upcoming game releases. She’s so excited for Metal Gear Solid 4! It warms my heart. On that note, she also registered a pretty cool new gaming blog, where you can really see her nerdy side in full force. What’s she been playing lately?

Grand Theft Auto: It’s all fun and games until you pick up a lethal weapon and start threatening your fans.

But, despite it all, she does look pretty fab lately. I’m pretty ecstatic that her hair is starting to grow out a little more, because if I had to look at one more awful picture of her when she had it, like… boyishly short? I’d have to go over there and do something.

Aww! You really can be charming, can’t you? That’s it. Now why don’t you put that saw down, okay, honey? Good girl!

Meanwhile, everybody else does their jobs. By which I mean Mizuno Manabi promotes Plume’s new single, Kaikawa Hitomi promotes her new photobook, and Ishiguro Aya… takes care of her fucking kids. What the hell else?

Yeah, they were all pretty boring by comparison today. I’m sorry. Next time?

I bought a little fan for my room. It broke within one day because it was fucking cheap and fifteen dollars.

Anyway, that’s enough. Here’s some Lin for you. Trivia: The thing Lin is holding is called a teru-teru-bouzu, a little doll hung outside to ward off bad weather (mainly rain, I believe?). I love how Lin decorated hers, I would totally hang that on my house like a fashion statement or something. Too cute! ♥ Might not be great to have on my blog, though, I’m desperately seeking bad weather.

…Wonder what would happen if I flipped the picture?

Just for comparison’s sake, let’s look at what might be considered the more “perfect” girls in Hello! Project. Here’s an easy one… Sugaya Risako. Sure, she can’t sing, she’s got attitude problems like nobody’s business, but these things are all very easily overlooked because she’s fourteen years old and she’s jailbait city. I mean, right? She’s a lead. No problems there. Um, how about another one? Kago Ai, golden girl from the very beginning. Sure, you say you feel so horribly betrayed by her when she smokes or gets it on with old men, but then she comes back and you’re right back at her feet again. Don’t lie.

Now let’s look at my favorites. In her history, Michishige Sayumi has accidentally thrown a microphone, leaving her with no choice but to mime her way through the rest of a live television performance. Ishimura Maiha could not dance for shit. While she is not related to Hello! Project at all, Matsushima Hatsune is the kind of girl you’d laugh at and trip in the halls if she didn’t have some pretty amazing knockers to her name. I’m sorry, I just don’t know what to say. All I can tell you is the truth.

This has created a pretty bad habit of… I guess you’d call it “mothering from afar.” And a majority of these girls are either older than me or nearly my age, but I just can’t help it. They need help. To my credit? This is usually, for the most part, a joke. I feel the “aww” reaction, but I do not act upon it… because I’m in the fucking United States.

However. (And this is the first of many times that I’ll say it, but this is the hardest thing…) This is the first time that I have, for real, felt that mothering instinct in full force. Like, “Bitches, get out of my way! Move, motherfucker! My baby needs me!” It is seriously hard.

Oh, Kanna. You’re breaking my heart.

I think — well, I assume — that most people have at least heard of the Whoa, Kanna Is A Lesbian! rumor? Months ago, I caught wind of it, but as they were just the words of some random person referencing it offhand, I was pretty much like “Yeah, okay” and then I went back to writing my Yajima Maimi/Umeda Erika fanfiction. (…That one wasn’t so much of a joke, by the way. I can seriously link you if you want it.) Without the evidence or a source to back it up, I wasn’t really interested.

Fast forward to a couple of days ago. If you’ve ever been near YouTube, you know that one video leads to another, which leads to another, which leads to another, until you have no idea what you were even looking at to begin with. Yeah, that’s how I found this. Suddenly, it all came rushing back: “Oh, right, I remember that!” Finally, I had the original source of it all to come to my own conclusions about it. And wow, what a controversial clip it is.

First of all, the reactions in the video’s comments are not at all favorable, as is to be expected. “Such a pretty girl, why choose gay” is far and away my favorite of the bunch. But there’s also, more than anything, in fact, a whole lot of denial. “She can’t mean that,” they say. “She has to be meaning something else. This isn’t true.”

I’m not even going to try to say something like, “Well, is it?! We’ll find out when I put my rudimentary Japanese skills to the test!!” I think, when you try to force what you think are the facts out of an inconsequential, fifty-second radio show clip like that, you miss the point entirely. Point? Sure, she may or may not be into girls, but isn’t it… kind of cruel to say things that indicate that you’d pretty much drop her ass like a hot potato if she were? No matter what the outcome, that shines right through.

Then again, ℃-ute themselves aren’t much support, either. All those cries of “Eeeeeeehhh?!” would put me right off of just casually being like, “No, I’m seriously into pussy.” God, what a situation.

If I’m hearing correctly in the video, someone whose voice I can’t quite place mentions a Fujimoto, but I could be wrong… In any case, that bit of name-dropping comes in when they’re elaborating on why Kanna could feel the way that she does: “Perhaps you prefer being around your female friends as opposed to boys?” Miki had an almost identical moment on a radio show, as well, so I wouldn’t be surprised if she was brought into the conversation as an example. Thing is, Miki was at least twenty at the time, and Kanna’s, what, fourteen?

So, as you see, we’re coming back to where I started now. Poor thing is so young, and to boot, she’s an only child! Sheesh, Sayu’s had too many lesbian moments to count, but at least she could call up her beloved older sister for advice. “Oneechan, lately I’ve been groping my friends in concerts. Do you think I like girls?” It’s almost tragically hopeless.

And I know, at the source of it all, that I can trace it back to my similar experiences in childhood. Sigh. Kanna’s almost an exact replica of me as a kid, which makes it all the more painful to watch. The only person I had to talk to about the situation was my mother, who, after I finally got up the courage to bring it up to her, brushed it off and wouldn’t discuss it with me further without rolling her eyes and generally giving off the impression that she thought me immature. I was maybe thirteen at the time, and now I’m going on seventeen. Amazing! My feelings haven’t changed. Understandably, I want nothing more than to give her a hug and assure her that a kind gaijin is there for her should she need to talk! Sure, maybe that’s creepy, but I have the best of intentions!

Eh, but Kanna’s also young, and for Christ’s sake, she’s surrounded by like forty chicks in a world where she’s strictly prohibited from dating guys. That must be hard for a maturing girl, huh? Sometimes I wonder if Hello! Project is really the greatest thing to be a part of… The Kids, especially, I wish could grow up normally. Anyway, altogether, this ends up kind of inconclusive and maybe a waste of some thirteen hundred words, but hey, who said I was ever looking for a conclusion, anyway? Mostly I just wanted to find a way to express my thoughts on the weird sort of phobia that the Hello! Project fandom has towards these things. Ever gradually, I come closer to that ideal of actually relating to the shit I write about on my blog…

Whatever her situation, I really wish Kanna the best, along with all the time and understanding in the world to sort out her feelings. She’s inspired me — that’s got to count for something, anyway. And as far as I’m concerned? The wota are just jealous because she’s getting more delicious Airi goodness than they’ll ever even be anywhere close to. Just gotta brush off the haters, ROFL.

For a long time, I’ve felt something strange about Reina. No, it was not a girl crush. Stop it, I’m addressing that in the next post. In any case, when I finally saw a backstage clip of Sayu and Reina, it all came together. Sayu was the one with the crush!

…No, I’m just fucking up my own post now. In short: Discussing each other’s hair, Sayu asked to touch Reina’s. Her fingers ventured towards the mess atop Reina’s head. They made contact. A disgusted expression flashed across her face for a millisecond of a moment before they changed the subject. It was awkward, but revealing.

Reina has awful, damaged hair and it grosses me and Sayu out.

First, let’s start with some close-ups. Everyone, look at these. Look at them NOW. You need to see the truth.

Is that some serious frizz or what? I… Reina, you’re an idol. You need to take care of your hair. And let me tell you, I thiiiiink we can trace it back to the hair dye you’ve been using and abusing ever since even before your Morning Musume days.

And then just some bad hair choices altogether. Do these scream “trailer trash” to anyone else?

I don’t even know where to start with these. How could she actually want to go out like this? I feel like she’s trying to go for “edgy,” but she just looks like a crack whore selling herself for drugs in a dingy trailer park. The glittery, sparkly streaks in her hair add a certain amount of class, don’t they? In her earnest efforts to be yankee and special, she often ends up like this. It’s a little sad.

All right, that’s enough negativity. I realize that Reina tends to like up-dos, pigtails and other things that give her some sass and a bit of additional help with her short stature (I once saw a picture where her side-ponytail made up for a couple inches of her total height), but there are many better ways to do it than what she usually opts for. Here are a couple I liked.

The first one, in particular, I like for its casual but elegant kind of appeal. It’s the sort of thing you see actresses wearing to events and awards shows all the time, and quite frankly, it’s pretty classic. Can’t go wrong there. The second one is sleek and sexy with some of her hair pulled up into a ponytail and the rest let down. While Reina frequently pulls her hair up, she rarely creates a balance as we can see here, so it allows her to keep some of her regular style while mixing things up for something new and interesting. Both of these are hairstyles I very much approve of for her; they suit her sensibility while not looking… like… um, shit.

Straight is all it takes! I’m not sure why Reina almost always feels the need to curl her hair until it’s basically fried and then tie it tight enough to give herself a headache. It looks so trashy and she’s honestly just fine leaving her hair alone! Straight is my favorite style for her. Here are some nice, fierce examples:

We’re not exactly discussing her choice (or lack thereof) of clothes, and these photos are all essentially the same, but I especially love the first one. Her whole image looks amazingly stylish, way more than the yankee shit she tries to pull off. I’m not saying she should betray what she feels is truly her, but I also think that she’s eighteen and needs to start experimenting with more mature choices in fashion and the overall presentation of herself. Sayu was frequently thought to be the most immature of her generation early on, but look where she is now! She’s got style, she’s got class, she’s becoming a woman and she’s transitioning seamlessly into her new maturity. Think about the last time you saw her flash an Usa-chan Peace and it’ll be even more apparent. So, Reina, step it up! You can’t always be winking. As for the second one? Wow, love that headband. Accessorize it, bitch!

Lastly, some variations on the above styles that could still make them fresh. Just a couple I came across and thought were solid ways to change up her style every so often. We don’t see these very much! They’re very good regardless and I think they should come up in photographs more often.

The first one curls outward for a kind of sharp, severe look. It conveys her “dangerous” side better than Reina seems to be able to herself, visually. The second picture shows Reina with her hair down in soft curls, and this may be the most beautiful one of all, in my opinion. God, just… so pretty. They’re so much more pleasing to the eye than the harsh curls she usually sports. I’m very seldom a fan of Reina’s looks, but when she presents herself well, she is stunning.

I hope, at the very least, that this post was worth something. Of course I know that Reina will never see this, and I’m well aware that few people think poorly of Reina’s style, but by God, this is a problem and I wanted to highlight the positive aspects a little more than the negative. You can do this, Reina. You are hella fab and you can do this. Step outside the box, girl, it’s nice outside.

Good luck, Tanaka Reina.

As for the title, Lin is made up of equal parts “cute” and “badass.” Thus, the combination of the two results as so.

Lin interests me, primarily, because of her many connections to the Chinese entertainment industry. In fact, her Wiki.thePPN page states that she was discovered when she was in the second grade, and, when you put that general information all together, she has been working as a talent for the past ten years. Consider not only that, but the fact that Morning Musume itself celebrated its ten year anniversary all throughout 2007, and that’s downright amazing. She has had more concrete experience as an entertainer than anyone in Morning Musume right now, and for that, I think she’s a gift.

Plus, she’s a bang-up performer, and she’s hilarious on HaroMoni@ — honestly, I stand by my opinion that Lin is best presented in animated gif form, and I may put some of them here. There are so many things to love here, people. Please, pick one. She deserves it! Both pandas need love!

When the blogger moves on to ℃-ute and whines about Murakami Megumi like they all do, they receive this input from Intl. Wota: It breaks my heart reading about yet another dismayed Megumi fan. The post is stamped with another casually tossed out “recommended reading” tag and everyone moves on, but I’m still left here, thinking, “Why?”

Why is the girl who had everything somehow more tragic than the one who never had anything at all? Why do fans of this girl continue to cry useless tears over someone who will never come back when they have ten times as much material to remember her by than fans of another former idol will ever have? Why is it so acceptable to treat Maiha as if she never had any fans, as if she never meant anything to the group, that no one even bats an eye at these kinds of remarks? Why do you love Megumi? Why is she more important than Maiha? Let me guess: Because she sang well and danced well and had a cute face?

Yeah, I thought so. And I know there are people out there who adored Megumi for that same awesome personality I loved her for, but honestly, some fans’ reasonings are just plain bullshit. When did we, as a fandom, start settling for the most accessible girl in any given group, and when did we start ostracizing everyone who doesn’t measure up? Because no, it wasn’t just Maiha getting the shit taken out of her in that post. Let’s see, dear blogger, what are your thoughts on Arihara Kanna?

She’s an egg! AHAHAHA! That will always be all over her, like the stench of dead babies. [...] There were a lot of extremely talented, undebuted eggs at the time she was added (-cough-MaedaIroriOgawaSakiFukudaKanonKitaharaSayaka-cough-) and yet she was the one who was plucked from relative obscurity to become C-ute member number eight, the only person to be added to the original H!P kids line up. Why? What is so special about the gremlin faced one?

… Wow, that’s nice. How about the emotion she puts in the words she sings? Her beautifully expressive face? Her entertainingly “dead serious” and dramatic kind of personality? Okay, then — Umeda Erika.

Had you asked me a few months ago, which H!P Kid would you push off a cliff, I would have found it really, extremely easy to answer. Erika has always pretty much been the one that I hate, with a passion. She’s kind of ugly. Not unique looking, like Momoko or Maasa. Ugly. Like interbred with a camel ugly. Her singing wasn’t that special to me, she never danced particularly well to my eyes. She was lacking sparkle, I guess. Then “Do Don Ga Don Ondou” happened, and I saw the light.

Is that so? It took a solo song to make you like her. … Okay. I mean, I need to ask all of you, and I’d be really happy if you responded to this in the comments. What do you look for in an idol? It’s so hard to pinpoint what a person is interested in, and when they go on like one girl in particular has absolutely zero to offer, I just want to be like, “Look! You missed all these amazing things!” This is such a weird, subjective area, but I can’t help getting upset over it. And it’s hard for me.

Love the lead singer. Love the girl in the background. Hate some girls, love others — it doesn’t matter. Just treat them all with respect. And, as a Maiha fan, I have to say: You can replace a good singer. You can replace a good dancer. You can’t replace a girl whose smile lit up her whole face, dimples, messed-up teeth and all, who danced her heart out even though she was bad at it, who graduated with such stunning grace for a girl of her age while all of her friends sobbed around her. You see an idol for simple talent; I see an idol for who she is, and there will never be another girl like Ishimura Maiha. So why don’t you think about that for awhile?

One last question.

How can you not adore this?

(Hell, I would start up a Maiha “worship blog” if anybody fucking cared, but that’s life. It’s your lucky day, Umeda! You get all the lines from a single that Megumi essentially dominated — couldn’t tell you which, because that’s all of them, but you have fun out there!)

I do know, however, that enjoying other people’s blogs is a good place to start! …Too bad I’ve been out of the Asian entertainment blogosphere for awhile. There are a few blogs that I read regularly and all of them are run by various Japanese idols. True, I’m not so fluent yet, but I thought it would be fun to try to give summaries of their posts here as a regular segment. After all, the only time idol blogs seem to be translated is when it’s a life or death situation (Goto Maki, Kago Ai?), and they’re all really entertaining reads.

The blogs I tend to read, in order of how often I check them, are Matsushima Hatsune’s, Imai Yu’s, Mizuno Manabi’s, Kaikawa Hitomi’s and a very new addition, Ishiguro Aya’s. Yes, that Ishiguro Aya. As well, Imai Yu is a graduated member of AKB48. Here’s a very quick, very short overview of each blog!

1. Matsushima Hatsune (blog) Hatsune won the Miss Magazine gravure competition in 2004, taking the Judge’s Special Award, and has since gone on to have a fairly successful career in the business. As well, she’s taken up acting, having landed a few roles (most notably in the drama Akihabara@DEEP, though she’s also been in the films Dear Friends and Haruko Update, in which she starred alongside Takayama Saki). Known for her offbeat, nerdy personality, she’s an otaku to the extreme and can usually be seen cosplaying, gaming or just hanging around Akihabara. Her blog posts are a frequent guessing game of What The Hell Is Hatsune Doing?, but to be honest, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Highly recommended, even if you don’t know who she is, because her posts are nothing short of weird, hilarious and endearing.

2. Imai Yu (blog) Yu, a former member of AKB48′s Team K, ICE from AKB48 and Crayon Friends from AKB48, graduated from the group in June 2007. At the time, she had plans to become an actress, and while it is unknown if she’s still pursuing this dream, she is currently living with her family and continuing her education. While not as amusing as Hatsune’s blog, she tends to post about her feelings and day-to-day life and often takes pictures of herself with her dogs or other AKB48 members (many of them still keep in touch with her). Occasionally, she’ll write about her experiences and thoughts about her former life as an idol, and while these kinds of entries are fairly rare occurences, they’re extremely insightful. At last check, she was learning Chinese.

3. Mizuno Manabi (blog) A semi-struggling voice actress and Akihabara idol, Manabi is turning thirty-one this year and she’s still going strong. She’s released a ton of albums and a smattering of singles, and though she seems to have given up on singing solo, she became a part of the seiyuu trio Plume along with Endo Aya and Kawaragi Shiho around last year. Many of the posts document the behind-the-scenes happenings of their performing lives, while others display the more normal side of her existence: dining out with friends, going to see movies and plays, etc. If only she got a better camera — she posts a lot of pictures, but sometimes, they’re barely discernable from all the pixelation and fuzz. Still, a really enjoyable and unique read, especially for those interested in seeing the perspective of an “older” woman by Japan’s standards as she lives her life and performs as an idol at the same time.

4. Kaikawa Hitomi (blog) Kaikawa Hitomi, gravure idol turned pro-wrestler after being invited into the ring during her stint as a race queen and kicking her opponent in the genitals, has a fairly straightforward blog. She mainly writes about her job, though it should be noted that she has a terrible weakness for anything having to do with the anime Neon Genesis Evangelion, and every now and then, you’ll see several posts where she gives into it. As well, she’s recently become interested in the stock market, which… I don’t know, maybe some of you guys are into that, too! She does take a lot of pictures, though, and she totally abuses cutesy animated gifs all over her blog, so it’s a nice “guilty pleasure” kind of read with enough eyecandy to make you keep coming back.

5. Ishiguro Aya (blog) As I said before, I’ve only recently picked this one up, but the things I’ve seen are too cute not to share. Aya, a very dedicated mother, often posts about her kids and generally just the life of a housewife. Her cheery personality is infectious — I smile like crazy reading her posts. Interested in Life After Morning Musume™? Here’s a happy ending to the story, because she’s one of the rare, lucky ones who’s managed to move on and do something good with her life.

In upcoming posts, I’ll try to put together small round-ups of their updates, so if any of these piqued your interest, sit tight! As well, I may add more blogs as I go on, since I’m always looking for new and interesting things to read. Got a favorite? Rec it to me in the comments! ♥

As you can see, I’ve continued the teen years theme? When I started my old blog, I was fifteen. …Though it is not an actual age, some people believe that “fighteen” is some kind of really feisty fifteen. This year, I’m turning seventeen! As Dekoboko Seventeen is my favorite W song and, as portrayed in the lyrics, I’m somewhat unpredictable myself, well… there you go.

…k. Nice to see y’all again?

Oh, and people linking to or referencing my blog (lol, people do that? get real, self) need not include the second part of the title! “DEKOBOKO17″ just looked kind of sad and lonely all by itself. …Okay, maybe you should include it, but you don’t have to!